Cosplay Experience Retrospective

As we come to the end of another year and enter a new one, I feel it would be appropriate to look back on my time in the geeky community and why this year is particularly important to myself, especially from an emotional standpoint.

I had been watching Anime during my early childhood, mostly through video tape cassette recordings sent from relatives in the spiritual Motherland that is Hong Kong, and after a long gap, got back into watching it when I started attending University. I am not sure what encouraged me to return to Anime, but it happened. Until then, however, I felt like I was only just scratching the surfance of the fandom. At some point, I caught wind of certain events where fellow Otaku would congregate, so-called “Anime Conventions”, where geeks would actually be able to see and speak to each other about various geeky topics in the same place. It was only after I attended my first Anime Convention about 12 years ago where I felt I had finally felt like I was a full blown Anime geek. But there was one thing I felt I was missing out on but didn’t have the confidence to try.

That being Cosplay.

I didn’t think I had the right body shape for it. Years of unhealthy diet, stress eating and inactivity, some of that also stress related, alongside all the drama related to the Cosplay community that seems to follow it meant that I didn’t have the confidence to attempt it. So, I ended up trying to take part in the hobby in a vicarious manner. If I can’t Cosplay, I will take pictures of Cosplayers I meet at the various conventions and try to do justice to their efforts, regardless of budget, regardless of whether they commissioned the costume or hand made it themselves. It became a creative outlet for me, alongside my landscape photography efforts. However, that itch to want to get involved in “dressing up”, as my non-geeky friends and colleagues would put it, never went entirely away. Never did the doubts though. I don’t know how to sew. I don’t really have the time, money or other resources to even contemplate personal involvement in Cosplay. It just wasn’t going to happen.

Or so I thought. Even though “commissioning” and “pre-made” items can be seen as bad words in certain parts of the community, I decided that this would be a good entry point to Cosplay. If I decide to take things more seriously, I can learn the skills and worry about it later. Given I come from a Chinese background, it would be most easy to Cosplay a vaguely Far East Asian character. An idea was formulated. All it needed was a Gakuran jacket and some money to pay for the idea to come to fruition.

Several years, a few false starts and a lot of overtime later, the opportunity came where I found one, then two commissioners able to make the jacket. Some controversy and minor concerns did emerge along the way, but keep in mind that these were independent artists and not major corporations, so some leeway was given and it paid off. At this point, I had several pieces of work clothing that could be repurposed into a Cosplay. “Male Student B”, basically a minor background OC, would become reality at Hibanacon.

As it turned out, despite earlier concerns, when I finally picked up the first jacket commission, I needn’t have worried. But what I was worried about was actually wearing the full Cosplay. I had all the pieces gathered in my room in the hotel and planned to change into it after a quick freshen up. However, I was still very self-conscious of the negative aspects. “What if I look really stupid?” “What if this is a bad idea?” “Maybe I should wear this some other time?”. Eventually, I decided that if I was going to make a decision on whether or not to step out onto the convention floor in the Cosplay, I would have to try on the full outfit first before making that choice. As I mentioned before in the Hibana write up, I forced myself to not look in the mirror while getting changed because I knew that if even the slightest hint of doubt entered my mind, I would get spooked and just not go through with the idea.

Not looking in the mirror until I had the Cosplay on worked to my favour. Smart trousers, white shirt, Gakuran, work shoes. A vintage leather satchel and a surgical mask as the final touches and when I finally looked in the mirror, what stared back at me wasn’t my reflection. It was an Anime character brought to life. Granted it wasn’t anyone major, but it didn’t matter. Whatever I had imagined when I came up with the idea, it looked far better in reality. I felt I was ready to go back onto the Convention floor.

On the way down from my room, the lift stopped to pick up two non-convention guests from another floor. They must’ve been rather confused to see some Far Eastern looking guy with a face obscured by a mask standing in the lift. I was a bit embarrassed, but rather than just get out the lift or head back to the room, I just stood there and waited until I was at the function suite floor where Hibana was. I can’t remember if they left first before me or not, but I do suspect that if they were still in the lift when I exited onto the convention floor, they would’ve been even more confused.

It took a bit of time to slowly overcome my inherent shyness, but I reminded that I’m at an Anime Convention. Almost everyone is in some form of costume. So I stopped worrying and continued experiencing the convention. As I got more comfortable being in Cosplay, I started to get more into character (As close as I could get considering I was basically an ill-defined minor background character anyway). This went as far as me recalling what I know of Japanese culture and what I learnt at a Japanese Etiquette panel years ago and bowed deeply when speaking to my friends in the committee, treating them as more senior ranking people I was speaking to. Basically the only issue I had was the logistical challenge of not having my backpack to store stuff. Thankfully, the satchel I had as a prop doubled as a handy storage place along with my lens bag. I ended up getting so used to wearing the Cosplay that I ended up keeping the outfit on even when going out to dinner with some friends afterwards. It probably helped that it looked like a very smart, if slightly unusual suit jacket. What was probably more unusual was me keeping the surgical mask on, only taking it off when eating. I think a lot of people probably thought I was either mad or seriously ill with plague…😂😷

On the last day of Hibana, Pouncy, a fellow photographer, had his studio set up in one of the rooms. I usually hang around here as this is a good opportunity to get some good shots of many of the Cosplayers at the convention. I showed up again in my “Male Student B” Cosplay with the intention of getting a few shots of myself taken for posterity. Now, my day job has me facing the worst of society in extreme circumstances. Throughout my life, I have experienced many scary situations. But when it came my turn to literally face the cameras of my fellow photographer friends, I admit that standing in front of the lens, instead of my usual comfort zone of behind it, was more frightening than any other situation I had been in up to this point. I had to remind myself that I asked for some pictures to be taken if there was time, which there was. After some initial nervousness, I managed to overcome my fears and started posing like all the other Cosplayers before me who have stood in front of my camera. It probably helped that I still had the surgical mask as part of the cosplay, so you couldn’t see my concerned expression! As I explained later, it was a scary experience, but a lot of fun. I can see why people find being in Cosplay photoshoots addictive!

Even with my growing confidence, I don’t see myself not having the mask as it has become very much a part of the character’s look. I can also see myself more willing to show up at conventions and other similar events in Cosplay now I got something that could conceivably be one. But all of this is just a long winded way to say that I now have an even stronger feeling of belonging in the community now I have dipped my toe in the waters that is Cosplay. Furthermore, my experience has awakened something emotionally in me and I feel very proud that I managed to achieve something my younger self longed to do but never had the opportunity to get involved with.

To all the Cosplayers who’s pictures I’ve taken, regardless of age, race, gender, sexuality, religion, creed, political beliefs. Regardless of budget. Regardless of construction methods. Regardless of whether the costume was custom made or bought pre-made. Regardless of if you were just cosplaying for fun or to enter for judging in a masquerade. Regardless of whether your character is an unswervingly faithful canon recreation or an original with several inspirations and liberties taken. Regardless of any reasons.

Thank you.

Thank you all for letting me take your photograph and do your efforts justice. If it weren’t for you all, I probably wouldn’t have improved in my picture taking abilities nearly as quickly as I would’ve. What initially started off as a memory jogging exercise to chronicle my convention antics became my main creative outlet. Practice makes perfect as they say. What I learnt from my convention experiences helped me when out and about taking landscape pictures on holiday and when out and about. I will continue to learn and do my best when photographing Cosplayers and continue to experiment with ideas. This has been a long emotional journey for me and I don’t intend to stop anytime soon.

Thank you all again!

A happy 2019 to you all!